6 years on…

Its been just over 6 years since my last post on this blog, and what a difference a half decade makes!

I’m still in the Hinterland of SE Qld., or back I should say.  I returned to Canada and US to tour in October 2010, but before I left the lovely spot I was in I fell in love with a man. A beautiful, strong, capable, loving man who fell in love with me just as passionately.

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He hopped on a plane and met me in Nashville after my last tour, we went to Memphis where I recorded at SUN STUDIO and we spent ten days at the Peabody falling ridiculously in love, and hanging out at BB King’s place listening to some of the the finest blues in the US. Then we drove to New Orleans and watched more great blues and hung out with some great players, and cycled around the French Quarter and found where the locals hang to see great music. We travelled around America and Canada together for 4 weeks then he left for Australia and me for Canada.

It was magical really. The things lovestorybooks are written about.

January came an I had another trip to the US for shows and a music conference in L.A and there he was again. We travelled to Canada for him to meet my family, and then he took me back home to be with him in Australia.

Fast forward six years and while still very much in love and living in a little piece of heaven in the Sunshine Coast Hinterland, I’m just now recording the album that was meant to be released five years ago. I released a 7 song EP this month to garner interest from radio, media, and venue organisers. On the heels of that release I am in Pre-Production at Bedrock Studio, working on the next 13 songs to grace the new album.

Ive returned to Canada and US for a few shows since, and released singles I recorded in cool studios, but there’s been no full album in years. Life gets in the way of life sometimes. Circumstances, sacrifices, and obligation can interrupt the creative outpouring of an artist. My more  narcissistic peers don’t have this issue, and while I am confidently in-tune with my ego, I am also a woman. A woman in love with a man that needs so much energy and time and effort that it requires great thought, timing, and strength of will to find a moment for my own work to take precedence over most other things.

Now is that time. I am taking it for myself because I need to feel that rush of a full release (tuck your head in cheeky Bulls)…

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The completed album release of new marterial that comes when focused, and of old songs that have been brewing long enough to settle into a comfortable place in the offering… but especially the tour that accompanies that effort. I love to play for a fabulous audience. I appreciate them so much and I think thy can feel that because they give so much energy to the band from the moment we take the stage. It’s a feeling I have been longing for for years. I’ve had a few fun shows here in Australia but I’m missing th crowds of people who know my work and love the players I put on my stage.

I’ve got great mates here to record with and plan to come back and play a heap of shows with some of my favourite players after working my way around North America next year. There are some world class players and bonafied rock Stars in my peer group and I am looking forward to recording and playing with them soon.
I also plan to record a few friends when I head to Canada in (Their) summer. I may spend a week at the Bathhouse just outside of my hometown to produce a few artists I’d love to bring back to Australia to tour with…  then do the same when I get back here.
When you’ve been doing this as long as I have the caliber of talent is ridiculously high.  I’m so glad I learned how to record and mix music so I can plan projects like the one brewing for 2018….  But that’s an entirely different blog… This one is just cementing my intent to release the EP and do some shows in North American mid 2017 then back to Australia and record the new album  in the new year to tour it here and take some talented friends out on the road with me.

Here’s to good tunes, good times, good friends, and a great audience!

Contact me through the label if you have any collaborative ideas, shows to share, want to add me to your grant app, or just general queries regarding the recording and tours to follow.

Carolyna Lovely –  Swamp Folk Records –  swampmama@swampfolk.com

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The End of Solitude

I am very happy I did this for myself, moved to 50acres in the middle of a sub-tropical rain forest, inside a conservation area, and sat with myself writing, bush walking, koala spotting, daily repetitive chores to calm the mind, and blogging. Ten days does not seem like a long time when it is filled with noise and conversation and people and things and doing doing doing, wanting wanting wanting…. but try this sometime and you’ll see just how long ten days is. It is a long time alone and quiet, with only your own head to look at and hear. I needed this after a few years of full-on work, play, hunger, need, want… divorce hell and the end of my life as I thought it would be.

I feel great today. Slept well and long, awoke to rain and it still looked like a beautiful day to me. Rain in the bush is different then rain at the corner of Hell and Fu@ked Up. Its beautiful. Everything smells clean and looks deeper green and brown and red…

I love the bush. Well, let me rephrase – I love the bush when the spread I am in is super warm and classic country comfortable. I love this bush place. Carolyn has made a lovely home here. She and husband Cliff built it with their own hands. There were no inroads, Cliff built them. They cut their home in Brisbane in half, drove it up to the mountain, put it back together with GRAND improvements, and built a ten foot deep veranda, covered, around the lot of it. Built a carport for three cars, and set about the clearing and planting of about an acre and a half surrounding the house and filled it with very little other than the necessities and quality pieces.

We are talking about people in their late 50’s at the time of this venture!!! Anything is possible at anytime of your life if you want it. I find Cliff and Carolyn entirely inspirational. She is Country Glamor and he is a great big Farm Boy who once owned his own business employing 25 people. They are kind and fun and off traveling the world as I write this. Brave and wondrous even in their 60s.

There is no clutter here. There are home made quilts in every room. Fine wood everywhere. There are screened, french doors in every room that I open in the morning and close every evening. The winds blow through the entire homestead and it is crisp and fresh. I notice I rarely sit down from after breakfast til i eat at night time. There is always something to do and if I am sitting, I have a guitar in my hand or I am writing or blogging. It is heaven here to me. I am so happy to have this spread and the time to enjoy it.

It’s all choices, I reckon. I’ll likely spend twice what i make the three months i am here, but i don’t care. So what? People at home are spending $1000’s a month just having a place they call their own and a few nights out at the club. So I decided to spend it in the rain forest… it’s about quality of life for me, not quantity. I possess very few things now, but they are quality. When i leave a place I leave knowing a lot of people, but take the quality friendships with me for life. I will eat out less to be able to eat the meal of a great chef rather than fast food nightly. I wait years between recordings until I have the best man for each song and …. so what? It matters to no-one but me in the end. The quality of performance when I have Brian Griffith or Spencer Evans on my stage and boys like Hugh Marsh and Dave Krusen in the studio.. so what if it only happens every few years. I don’t care. I’ll wait til it is right then maximize the exploitation of that recording or performance for everything it is worth to others.

It is unreal what a difference it all makes to some. As though the song changes if a former member of Pearl Jam plays on it. I choose the player for his ability, but if he has a name to exploit for those who need that, well good for me. Makes it a little easier, though not much. People, inevitably, want to see what you can do. How you can make them money. Fill their house, sell albums for them… will you stay on the road and tour this for 18 months… That is where i get a lot of kudos. I am a tour junkie. I will stay in Australia for 3 months for just 5 shows! It is ridiculous to some. I dont care. I LOVE the BIG show and if you’ve ever played to thousands, then you understand what i mean. If an audience has ever sang your words back to you, then you know my pure joy!

I am after the BIG gig all the time now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll play intimate venues and clubs and cafes and anywhere else that will have me sing for their crowd, but I chase the big show. And in my world, that is CORPORATE at this time. I am not 18 so it will never likely be a lollapalooza audience for me, but I am skilled and entertaining and I have written a lot of songs that I have now put into one hour and a half super set. I put crazy talented players on stage with me and the CORPORATE shows are freaking fabulous. They have $$$. They have large audiences of employees and clients… and I am a bit of an oddity. I don’t do covers!

Well, haven’t done, yet. In corporate gig world this is almost unheard of. Unless you are a “once was famous”, corporate shows usually go to the super-group cover bands that are made up of old time rock stars that now do 10 or 15 corporate shows a year so they don’t have to go out on the road. I am neither a “once was famous” or a cover band, so I am an odd choice for corporate work. What I did do, however, is the work! I put together packages that included video and MP3 downloads, free, for their employees and as giveaways to their clients. I made them slick and dirty at the same time, and it works for me.

It will be a good year because I will make it a good year. It started out the worst I have ever had. It will not end the same way.

I love that you were here reading as I was alone. Though I could not see, hear, speak to any of you, I could feel the love. I could see over two hundred readers a day some days (especially the cow blog), and was happy. I also wrote a private blog, The Erotic Erudite, and wrote more than 50 letters in my ten days alone. I love writing. This was sooo good for me. See hear speak to you soon.
xo
Carolyna
p.s.
I am ending solitude by going Hang Gliding in the mountains! Anyone???
xxo

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Crazy Stalkers are NOT just MEN

Tomorrow is my last full day of this silence. At midnight tomorrow night i will speak, hear, see you again, friends. I have enjoyed this much needed rest, if only not having to answer messages and emails from the 6500 “friends” i have…lol

It gets confusing for some, I believe. I have one friend who actually believes Juliette Lewis is listening when he writes things on her fb fanpage. He’s always waiting for an answer from her, personally. It is a strange world, social networking. I love it mostly, get very few hassles compared to joys, but sometimes, when “friends” cross the line from fan to freak it gets disturbing. Criminally so at times.

I have had a few harmless stalker types that just show up at shows and everything else I may mention I am doing on fb, myspace, linkedin… A few, however, have taken it to the extreme, and two even landed themselves in jail. One in the nut house for 72 hours, after threatening to kill my husband. Worked himself from “I love you”, to ” I don’t care what gets in my way, I’ll kill you f’ing husband if I have to…”. He did the same thing to three other female artists on the same weekend and landed in Jail after showing up at one woman’s place of work.

This, in case you haven’t been paying attention, is entirely unacceptable behavior… and no, being on a crack binge is no excuse for threatening me and mine. I work very hard at this, mostly thankless job, so when shown great appreciation by a fan I am always appreciative. I may not respond to you personally, if I do not already know you, but why you would expect me to is beyond me. I may write a nice review of the hotel i just stayed in after exceptional treatment, but I don’t expect the hotelier to write me back and take me to tea. Should he respond, I do not take that as meaning we are now in a relationship and I am going to have little hotelier babies.
???

I started writing this today because, as although i am not reading past the subject lines, i can still see hundreds of emails and messages coming in when i start up my computer, and some are entirely annoyed that i have not responded to them. I’m not even going to open your mail when i AM opening mail again. That’s how annoyed I am with you!

Artists are put out there to sell the artwork… in my case songs and live performance, the odd photograph or script. If you want my songs you can find them in 30 places for free and on my site to buy if you are that good person. If you want a live show, then hire my live show or make plans to come to one. Please refrain from sending vile messages to me and my real friends demanding a hook-up, or those in my industry, demanding they put on a show featuring me. This does not assist me in any way. Believe me!

One of my friends, lost his 30yr marriage because he decided to “play along” with a stalker of mine. A woman from BC, who sent messages to more than 4 dozen “friends” and industry connections she found in my “Friends” link. Her Message…

“If you are intimate with Carolyna Loveless then I want to offer myself as a third in that wonderful threesome. I love Carolyna and want to be her lover, so if you can arrange this connect with me”.

While most of my “friends” were just deleting her message others were forwarding it to me saying “i think she could be trouble”. One such warning came from a label head that I so wanted to meet in any other way than this. One friend, decided to play along…whatever…his business… until he tried to get me to solve the problem… “she’ll tell my wife if I don’t make this happen”.

Besides wanting to communicate every swear word I knew to my “friend”, I wanted to smack him silly. How could you read that initial message and not read, “DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON”? How could you risk your 30 year marriage on a freak! And how on earth could you ask me to fix it?

I gave the advice, “tell your wife because you know she will”. He said his wife was already pissed he had retired and spent most of his liquid $$ on recording gear (a newbie at 55 thinking he’ll be a rock star and make it all back overnight), and that if he told her it would all come “crashing down”.

Now, you don’t want to tell a man of that age that if it is so precariously perched, his marriage, then yep, this is going to knock you right outta the home. BUT…. and yep. He thought she would not do it… but she did. Now he has a little place up north and the wife got the rest…. including half his pension and all the $$.

I would feel responsible for this if i was. Not being that martyr type, I’ll carry none of this. There is something to be said for being an ADULT on facebook and other social networking sites. You start behaving like 16 year olds and you are going to get burned. But if you use this tool, as I do, to reach the largest possible audience for all that you create, hoping that enough crossover to the music sites and then into the store… well… you can ride your ticket to the other side of the world a few times a year, too!
xoxox
Be safe and have fun… but be very aware… THE CRAZIES are out there looking for a distraction to obsess over. Dont be it! They can be very disturbing.

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Nightmares in la la Land

Seriously? I was just getting used to 6-8 hrs a night. Suckered! It has been a joy, sleeping, and waking after 6 or more solid hours sleep. As mentioned in previous blogs, I am an insomniac. I never get this kind of sleep.

So why then, am I so disturbed at the return to broken sleep and shocking nightmares? Because I am hungry for more of the same I have had recently. I feel so strong with so much sleep. Yesterday i worked the homestead – regular chores and cleaning up after escaped-cow chores, hunted Koala, played at the obi obi creek, blogged, made myself some food, played more guitar.. and finally stood still at 11pm. Loads of energy. Went to bed dead tired and happy.

I awakened just after 5am with hands around my neck, being choked out. It felt so real – except i was not here. When i realized i was dreaming it was because i could feel myself choking and scratching at my throat and my blurry vision could now make out the room i was really in. Alone. I was soaked with sweat from fighting in my sleep.

No calm has returned enough that i would go back to sleep. I hate nightmares.
I’ve had them for decades. I would be exhausted from them some nights and fall back asleep and right back into them. When I was prescribed sleeping pills i thought, “Yes! Sleep”. What they did was make it impossible to awaken from the nightmares, so i would, still sleeping, be forced to go through them over and over with no chance of waking up unless i disturbed my husband’s dead-to-the-world sleep. Hell sleeps. I wouldn’t wish on an enemy.

I am happy today. Just tired. I will go out Koala hunting and that will bring joy that knocks tired aside.
My lover says “sleep is for suckers”, when he wants to stay longer. Well-meaning friends say its overrated and most people waste too much time sleeping.
As an insomniac who has had a reprieve and understands the strength in sleep – i am chasing it like heroin. It is the best drug i know. Gotta get rid of these thirty year nightmares and insomnia bouts, and i reckon i could build my own tree-house in the forest and live like the Koala – sleeping half days away, eating green things, and having sex. What a life!!!

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“No man, I am a conscious capitalist”

That was my response when asked, “what are you a fu@%ing communist”? This by a man in Hamilton, as I said perhaps I would like to go to Brazil or Panama, live their for a while. “… give to their community and take what i need”.

I’ve been writing a lot. Designing sites and creating content has been a huge part of my last few years, now I am to design the site that compiles the best of all of the work… and then set it alight. Its a good time. I am strong and well and happy and can handle a big project or three right now.

When I was 22 this would have scared me senseless. I am 42. I have no fear of success or of failure any more. I have experienced both, and, funnily enough, they have the same sort of feeling. One part anxiety to three parts excitement.

If you are the project manager for any one or more conscious-capitalist venture, than you know exactly what I mean. Especially if it is your content. Invention. Intellectual copy. Whatever your creation, if you are also managing the project to disseminate that creation, you have a big job ahead of you at all times.

When the project begins a few people are needed to assist in areas to make thing move. They go their way in the process, and in the end there is you, the creator/manager. You are responsible for everything you have created, until again, responsible for only you. This is when i rest then say, “another project, anyone?”. It is unbelievable what can happen when you MAKE it happen. I am having a great time.

I have fabulous friends around the world. Creators and hard working people who stay in one’s life for whatever reason. I love that I have those kinds of friendships. I love to share with my friends and find myself drawn to like-minded people. I know a few women, like myself, who take the boys out on the road and run the shop via computers and pda’s and work the media and work the room and work the stage! That’s what the Great Canadian Cougar Party is all about…. but that’s an entirely different blog altogether.
Later darlin’s.

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Cows walking around my place

So ya… If anyone is missing their cattle they are walking around and around my yards and eating my newly planted garden.
Come get ’em… and bring a shovel!

It is more than a little unsettling folding laundry on the patio with a cow at my back. Unsettling indeed. Just great big smelly pets you drink from.

aaggghhhhh!
Can you say Vegan anyone…. bahaahahaa
I believe I am getting tired (read sillier than i allow in print).

Love,
Me

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Where is Home?

When I think of where I want Home to be, I cannot sit still on a location. Only a temperature. Seriously, I have been thinking of putting down a root or two, simply for the calm feeling of having a home somewhere that is waiting for me when i want it. Being married so long, wherever he was, was my home. I could go home at any point and would be comfortable. Then it wasn’t that way any longer and now I am homeless. I will never be without a bed to lay my head, but my home is a different thing altogether.
As a wanderer, I became accustomed to harder living and when softness and ease and glamor came, i soaked it up and returned to my life of wandering soon afterward. I don’t mind the aloneness of life this way, but the precariously perched mental state I dwell in at certain times of my life, has made me aware of my mortality on more than one occasion and I find myself longing for a home.

I have noticed a few other things about myself this week of quiet contemplation.

1. I have not cried once
2. I awaken smiling
3. I have slept at least 6 hrs a day since I arrived, sometimes as much as 8
4. I like people more than I thought i did…lol… seriously missing the sound and look of others
5. I am capable of hanging with one hand from the rafters of the carport while using a staple gun to re-attach a wind-blown tarp.
6. I prefer writing in silence but playing music with others
7. I crave sugar when i want sex and there is no beauty in front of me
8. I think i am capable of being happy anywhere – well, maybe not Hamilton or Detroit, but most anywhere else with trees and water

Its this last one that is surprising me the most. I WANT to live in North Vancouver. Around the bend and out toward Lions Bay where the mountains fall into ocean inlets. Chrystal waters and pure air. it is extremely peaceful. A few bears and cougars, but everywhere has something to watch out for. Too ridiculously priced for me at this time. So i think of other ocean/green spots like Brigus Nld.

Atop the bluffs where the headlands meet and make the most beautiful bay where ocean fishermen would come to rest and hide from pirates. Seriously! Fun!!! Remote. But Newfoundland has the one thing i do not like – and soooo much of it… temperatures below 0.

I hate being cold. I like playing in the snow once in a while – a few yearly ski trips and what have you, but 8 months of cold…. forget it! Best priced land for the beauty you get though! Seriously beautiful in late spring and summer. Love to have one there and one here. Go home in the summer and go south in their summer… I love temperate climate summers. BC summers and sub-tropical Australian winters are much the same, so i could live here year ’round and be blissful, except everyone i love is a great distance away and I am not yet independently wealthy enough to go back and forth when Mom wants a cuppa.

I am torn at the moment, so many options and a world of possibilities, but that is what all this is about for me at this time. Focus. Clarity. Rational accounting of my strengths that can make the dreamier parts of my life a reality. It all comes. It always does. I go through some insane moments to live like this but i also experience the greatest life I know. Mine. Every day i do what i WANT! That is living to me.
I love my life. xo

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